This week I had the pleasure of reviewing Diego Alcantara's draft and Veronica Funess's draft.
Here is Diego's review and Veronica's review.
One major thing I realized after reading these drafts was how important genre is for publishing. The aspects that lagged behind in the drafts I read could be dealt with by tweaking certain genre conventions like adding more white space for a QRG or the zooming in on pictures for a video essay. This makes me want to look over my essay and make sure it follows the genre conventions accordingly.
One issue I have is connecting my paragraphs in a way that allows them to flow better. I plan on trying to move them around to hopefully solve this problem. After reading others drafts, I think I should also add a little bit more of my personal opinion. I think I stayed a little too unbiased on my controversy. I also think I might need to cut down on some of the contextual facts I presented. I want to have enough to paint a clear enough picture for the audience but not too much to where the audience gets bored.
I think I stuck to most of the genre conventions very well. My sentences are worded in an appropriate way, with varied structure and length. This fits very well with the college essay genre. I also think I have good word choice, keeping the essay interesting. With so much information, I tried to keep the audiences attention with the words I choose to convey the message with. I also think I did a good job presenting both sides of the controversy. Everyone involved in the story would be able to identify their perspective on the issue. All these things help convey the main ideas of the essay. I need to, now, focus on the smaller aspects mentioned above that will help me present the message in an even clearer way.
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